In front of Christmas 2012

I knew this was coming. The next hurdle. Can I run away from it? Can I block it out? I really don’t want to do anything for Christmas: no tree, no wrapping of gifts. Only a few gifts for my brothers and sister-in-law, easily ordered online.

Catching sight of frosted front windows around the neighbourhood decked with colourful Christmas Trees and flashing lights has hit me like a brick. Dread and deep sadness all in one.

Christmas at home was always the biggest event of the year, very special for me, the one I have always looked forward to… days before I even set foot in any airport.  It was always about family. The house was always so welcoming, festooned in a profusion of multi-coloured decorations, the aroma of the cake baking, roasting of ‘the bird’ and boiling of the ham and pudding, with brandy butter. The laughter, the banter, the reminiscing, the mulled wine, a Jameson and a blazing fire.

Now I don’t want to see it, deal with the Christmas music, try to get through bustling shops past animated shoppers.

Would likely be invited to a friend’s house, but I don’t want to sit there and act. I don’t see myself putting on a happy smile, when not feeling so happy inside. Am just struggling to get through it. 2013 can’t come soon enough.

It was so much fun jabbering about anything. The tree, the crib, the lighted candle in the window to welcome Jesus, the dinner (with one extra place setting for a stranger)………..so wonderful. Some say Christmas is only for children. Wrong!

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I am not looking forward to it. but am going to endure it.  Life is pulling me forward whether I like it or not. 2013.

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